The Garden Village: Stories from Kitokota Village.

The Great Kitokota Circus: Theft, Tumbles, and Commotion.

Like the usual nature of Kitokota village, everything has been upside down of late. The villagers are moving with heads, and the legs have taken the position of the head. The sun, which normally shines during the day, has taken the night shift. The moon has replaced the sun’s work schedule. In other words, carts are pulling the horses. Water has begun flowing upwards as cows are producing black milk. Everything is bizarre.

As I had just ordered a cup of black milk in Maama Kasaija’s restaurant, one of the village’s top restaurants, allegations began about theft of village produce. As I was leaving the restaurant, another produce scandal unfolded. The situation in the village is an interplay of steal, rest, and steal again. Things are strange.

Rumors under the Muti-Lugambo tree have been running around like a headless chicken. They accuse and allege that Joela Bisekule Nyonyintono took home an illegal sack of village produce. Nyonyintono, the leader of the minority crop-growing associations, has felt it rough this week. Sources say he has been losing two kilograms per hour over these allegations, which he has come out to clear as false and aimed at maligning his reputation. “I have not taken a single grain from the barns,” he said with a very firm voice. “This is nothing but an effect of jealousy and blackmail.” Nyonyintono supporters cheered, “Not our barn. It can never happen.” On the other hand, skeptics, especially the banana growers, tied leaflets on the Muti-Lugambo tree reading, “NyonyintonoMustResign”

You know, these allegations come shortly after his predecessor, Matyansi Mpungu Nsimbi, faced serious hell. Nsimbi was accused of illegally sharing 500 million tons of village produce from the barns. In light of this, the villagers are worried that this theft may not end. “If the promising tomato growers,” they say, “have scratches about theft of produce, then who will come to save Kitokota.” Whenever such disparities begin among the tomato growers, chief Musegezi and his council get a reason to celebrate. It is an indicator that the banana virus is yielding its anticipated fruits, the banana task force is working.

Away from that, the tomato growers, under the leadership of Bobina, are still serious about their village tour. For the past week, they have been traversing the Western areas of Kitokota village. There, many villagers, who formerly belonged to the banana crop-growing association, gave them a huge welcome. They promised to start growing tomatoes, for the bananas are diseased, backward and have no future.

During the course of this village tour, another crop theft scandal unfolded in Kitokota. A certain Gerand Ssale, sneaked village harvests into her private barns. She smuggled a large portion of produce meant for feeding village security veterans and cooperatives. The village gossipers say she must have had the biggest barn in the village. As of late, she has won herself the position of the Grand Thief of the disappearing grain. She sits on the throne of her predecessors as we await another contender. The villagers look forward to awarding her the Golden Trophy of well-calculated looting and strategized theft. This will happen only if the banana growers bring no contenders.

As the village scandals brewed, the village poll committee released the latest Kitokota Great theft polls. Gerand Ssale took the lead with an overwhelming landslide victory with an absolute majority of 58%, eclipsing the once-undefeatable village orator who once took a non-opposed whopping success of 98%. With this victory, she has earned herself the title, Queen of Grand Theft. In the meantime, Matyansi Mpungu remains an underdog in this competition, with a 09% shaky stand. Note that these statistics are not inclusive of the topmost village leaders.

In all this drama, the villagers remain with their resolve to march to the Big Hut, where elders gather to argue about issues but rarely reach a sound consensus. This, they say, will probably echo their unending cry to the village council to stop stealing from the village barns. The preparations are underway for a grand event that many say will be spectacular.

With a voice stronger than the sound of thunder, one self-appointed activist roared, “We will march to the Big Hut and ensure that all the thieves are brought to book!” His tone was very serious that it left the goats promising to join the march. “This nonsense must stop,” said another in a tone that left many believe he had just been served a meal of well-spiced anger. In all this, Muti-Lugambo tree is tied with motivational leaflets reading “TheVillageOratorMustGo” and others reading “23rdAnti-HarvestPilferingMarch.”

Nevertheless, we need to know what the newly appointed village spokesperson of Kitokota Security has to say. The security spokesperson, an average sized man, not too big to be intimidating and not too small to be blown away by the wind, says, “This march goes against the village constitution.” Like his predecessor, Fredo Engana, the new spokesperson is still undergoing lessons of professional deception and gaining expertise in precedential foolery.

While senior villagers see this march as harm itself, the youth, with their brand mark of “Gen Zhh!” as learnt from the neighboring village to the East, have a firm determination to teach their transgressors the hard way. This determination is unusual given the village guards of Kitokota's normal usage of firecrackers and traditional eucalyptus smoke to disperse protestors. All the same, we await the march and its fruits.

Does this anticipated march have the guts to teach the rocky-headed thieves of Kitokota? Is it another spectacle in the comedy playhouse of Kitokota? We await the fruits in the next episode.

The writer is a weekly pilgrim to Kitokota village.

Curious about the effects of the villagers' march to the Big Hut? Share your voice in the latest poll and join the village conversation!

Do you think the villagers' march to the Big Hut will actually bring about change, or is it just another comedic spectacle?

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• It will bring about significant changes.
• It's merely a comedic spectacle with no real impact.
• It will raise awareness but with no substantial change.
• Minor improvements may come but core issues left out.

Stay tuned for the next episode of the Garden Village, where every sunrise comes with fresh challenges, and every sunset, a sigh of relief.

Thank You!